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Christmas Creeps

Your one stop shop for holiday madness all year round. Join hosts Joseph Wade, Johnny-5 and Mr. Bradford twice a month as they destroy holiday movies and TV shows in search of the true meaning of Christmas!
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Now displaying: 2020
Dec 25, 2020

Merry Christmas to one and all! The big day is finally here!

This time every year, we like to celebrate July At Christmas with an obnoxiously patriotic action film! This year, we're dipping back into one of our favorite series with Live Free or Die Hard! It's a Die Hard! It's a 4th of July movie! It's got everything!

Okay, so maybe that last part isn't true. It's fun enough for a Die Hard movie, but this episode also gives us a chance to discuss a handful of other topics, including Christmas movie titles from around the world, the state of the internet in 2007, and how on earth a bunch of super-nerds never noticed giant C-4 bricks in their fancy Alienware computers...

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro:
Die Hard (Guyz Nite)
Dec 8, 2020

The twinkling of tiny LED Christmas lights can only mean one thing: The holiday season is officially upon us. That means home cooked meals and dysfunctional family visits and traumatic memories suppressed with copious amounts of egg nog. With that in mind, this week's episode is about all of those things! On this episode we're talking about the 2004 holiday stinker Surviving Christmas.

Ben Affleck is back as a miserable ad executive who pays the family living in his childhood home a large sum of money to pretend to be his family for Christmas. He desperately mugs his way through 90 minutes of tired Christmas jokes hoping that at least one person out there will laugh. By the end of it all we find ourselves reminiscing about old episodes of Doug and wishing Ben Affleck had played ALF. Literally anything to stave off the the boredom of having to talk about Surviving Christmas.

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro:
O Christmas Tree (Ben Affleck, James Gandolfini)
Nov 27, 2020

Welcome to our fourth annual Shane Black Friday, celebrating the works of writer/director Shane Black! On this year's edition, our pal Libby Cudmore returns to help us figure out why the hell we decided to watch the 1991 Bruce Willis/Damon Wayans actionfest The Last Boy Scout.

Buckle up, because this episode is absolute chaos. The Last Boy Scout has almost nothing to do with Christmas. We discuss the inclusion of "Satan Claus", and whether or not "family" is enough of a case to call this thing Christmasy. We also inflict some truly gross holiday foods upon ourselves, so hopefully the Christmas spirit is alive and well in one of us at the end of this ordeal.

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Friday Night's A Great Night For Football (Bill Medley)
Outro:
Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Nov 10, 2020

This week we're joined by filmmakers Jake Horowitz and Andy Lewis to discuss the Rankin/Bass animated classic Frosty The Snowman!

Jake and Andy are the co-writers (and Jake the director) of the new holiday comedy Cup of Cheer! If you're a fan of the cozy, familiar Christmas movies that flood cable TV every holiday season, or even if you're not, then Cup of Cheer will be right up your alley. It's a big, goofy parody of the genre in the tradition of Airplane!, only with loads more Christmas trees and snow and awkward small-town romance.

On this episode we sit down with Jake and Andy to discuss the inspiration for their film, as well as some of their childhood favorites. This leads into a discussion of Frosty The Snowman and its place in the greater Rankin/Bass Cinematic Universe!

Cup of Cheer is now available to stream on Tubi!

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Oct 27, 2020

Home for the Horrordays continues! Released in 1980, Christmas Evil was sold to cash in on the success of Halloween and Friday the 13th. While it bears many of the hallmarks of a typical 80s slasher film, what sets this one apart is how deeply we come to understand its main character, Harry. He's a disturbed individual, and we watch as he makes preparations to become his town's Santa Claus, delivering toys to good children, and dishing out pain to the naughty. And as we find out in this week's episode, it works more often than it doesn't!

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Oct 7, 2020

Welcome to October, the season of falling leaves, pumpkin spiced everything and also a little thing called HOME FOR THE HORRORDAYS!

We're kicking things off with Santa's Slay! This film is notorious for it's opening scene, in which a whole host of C-list celebrities get brutally murdered. The rest of Santa's Slay follows Bill Goldberg's Santa as he terrorizes a small town and the two wayward teens tasked with ending his reign of terror once and for all. Or at least until midnight on Christmas Day. It's completely arbitrary and none of the rules actually matter, but as we discover, the film is 100% aware of this.

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Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Sep 22, 2020

Happy Fall to one and all! Just as we bid farewell to another summer, so too must we leave behind the works of Tim Allen. On this episode, we round out the Santa Clause trilogy with a discussion of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

Join us as we ponder the hard questions of the Santa Clause universe: How strictly must one abide by the rules of the Clause? Does this film's version of time travel make any sense at all? What is up with all the gender reveal parties? Oh yeah, and what the hell happened to Bernard??? Anyway, this film raises far more questions than it could ever possibly answer, and on top of everything else we've got Martin Short running around as the living embodiment of 2020. So that's great.

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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: Wild, Wild West (The Escape Club)
Sep 8, 2020

Three years ago, we recorded an episode on The Santa Clause 2, and then immediately lost it the sands of time. This week we decided it was finally time to finish what we started. Santa Clause 2 is the definition of inessential, but is startlingly prescient in the way it depicts the rise of a fascist regime, and also how a fading 90s star can cling to fame with a vice grip well into the 2000s.

Also in this episode, we compare this film to another early-2000s blockbuster sequel, and Bradford discovers the worst Etsy listing on the entire internet. All in a day's work for Christmas Creeps!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Aug 26, 2020

On this episode, we spotlight a film we've been trying to get our hands on for a couple years now. It's 36:15 Code Pere Noel, also known as Dial Code Santa Claus, or Deadly Games depending on where you find it. There is a case to be made that John Hughes stole many of his ideas for Home Alone from this film. Even if the similarities are just coincidence, this is still an absolute brainmelter from start to finish.

We'll break down all the gory details, all the Home Alone similarities, and all the killer Santa motifs right here. We also get into the Minitel computer system, The Adventures of Milo and Otis for some reason, and oh so many video game detours. Don't miss it!

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Aug 4, 2020

With our 100th episode behind us, it's time to get back to business. This week's show is all about Puppy Star Christmas. Not only is this part four in the Pup Star series, but it's also the eighteenth installment in the inexplicably extant Air Bud franchise. And if that's not enough, this is specifically a spin-off of the original Santa Buddies. If none of that makes any sense, don't worry, we'll lay it all out for you.

But because this film almost willfully ignores its own plot, we're forced to discuss everything from the superiority of foreign potato chip flavors, to whether or not the TV show CHiPS had any Christmas episodes, to the short history of people squatting on web domains for large corporations. It's a living.

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jul 21, 2020

Happy 100 episodes, everybody! We finally made it!

To celebrate, we're pulling out one of the Big Guns and dedicating an entire episode to the 2003 Will Ferrell comedy ELF! You know the story: Buddy is a human raised by Santa's elves, who journeys to New York City to meet his biological father and hopefully rescue him from Santa's naughty list.

Within that framework is a whole lot for us to explore, and in this episode we attempt to discuss it all. Everything from the forever problematic "Baby It's Cold Outside", to the lasting impact of director Jon Favreau, to the existence of the very bizarre Elf Game Boy game. And we even take some time out to answer a few listener questions! So buckle up, because this episode goes all over the map!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jun 17, 2020

Episode 100 is just around the corner, and the only thing standing in our way is one final Christmas Shoes film. Join us this week as we endure The Christmas Hope, part three in a trilogy that, believe it or not, actually has some semblance of continuity.

Sure, the kid from the original film is all grown up now, and played by Sharknado's Ian Ziering instead of Neil Patrick Harris. Sure, the titular shoes don't actually appear in this film, replaced with a mystery box that even JJ Abrams would laugh at. And sure, we may be expecting too much out of a series that relies on manufacturing tragedies harder than Final Destination. But it's time to put this series to bed once and for all.

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
May 26, 2020

Five years ago we forced ourselves to watch and discuss The Christmas Shoes. Y'know, the TV movie based on the book based on the song based on an email chain about a little boy who buys his mom a pair of shoes right before she dies? It was brutal stuff, and when we learned there were sequels, we decided we weren't nearly desperate or drunk enough to even think about touching those.

Well today is that day! On this week's episode, we're discussing The Christmas Blessing, the 2005 sequel to Christmas Shoes. Neil Patrick Harris stars as the kid from the original all grown up. 20 years later he returns to his hometown to find himself, finds love along the way, but wouldn't ya know it? The shoes reappear and the specter of death returns! It's a whirlwind of pain, grief and anger. And the movie is pretty rough too.

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
May 5, 2020

It feels good to be back in the saddle talking about Christmas movies! This week we're talking about the 2018 adaptation of Dr. Seuss' "How The Grinch Stole Christmas," simply titled The Grinch. Produced by Illumination Studios (the house that Minions built), this film currently holds the title of Highest Grossing Christmas Film Ever. Home Alone held that title for 28 years until the right cartoon came out at the right time of year...

But that doesn't mean there isn't plenty to discuss! In this episode we compare this film to the 2000 live-action abomination, question the need for licensing so many Christmas songs for five seconds apiece, and ponder the need to cast Benedict Cumberbatch to voice The Grinch. Come join us!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Apr 21, 2020

On this episode, we're discussing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. The whole gang has gathered on Jonathan & Karen's island to chat about island infrastructure, quirky animal neighbors, the fact that everyone hated Bunny Day, the creeping terror of tarantulas, and more!

(That's right, it's a whole hour dedicated to video game chat. Sorry not sorry.)

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Apr 7, 2020

As the quarantine continues, so too does our mission to keep ourselves sane! Once again, Joe & Bradford bring you some fun home cuisine tips. Last week we discussed how to make your own cold brew coffee. This week, Bradford details how to make your own bread at home!

If you have any suggestions or requests for how-to guides from us weirdos, feel free to shoot those over to us, and we'll see what we can do! We're here to entertain, and we've got nothing but time on our hands...

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Bread and Butter (Devo)
Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Mar 31, 2020

This week we're taking a break to discuss something a little closer to home. If you're anything like us, you're trying to limit your retail interactions to the barest of necessities. That sometimes means cutting out your morning coffee runs. I know, I hate it too. But these are strange times and it's for the greater good.

Anywho, on this week's episode, Bradford returns from podcast paternity leave to teach Joe the ins and outs of making your own cold brew coffee at home! So pour yourself a cup and come join us for Coffee Creeps!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: The Coffee Song (Frank Sinatra)
Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Mar 17, 2020

With everyone on lockdown right now thanks to COVID-19, we decided to stretch outside our comfort zone a bit and discuss a movie more relevant to current events. Crossing a couple of the obvious ones off the list, we finally landed on George A. Romero's 1973 cult classic THE CRAZIES!

Can our plucky band of survivors escape a town overrun by a deadly virus and also faceless military goons? Can top scientists create a vaccine before the president decides to nuke the entire town? Could there possibly have been a more stressful film for us to watch right now???

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Intro: Anthrax's Among The Living, by yours truly!
Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Feb 25, 2020

Winter has finally arrived in our little pocket of the world, friends, and so on this episode we dive into the Rankin/Bass tale of Jack Frost! There are many Jack Frosts in the world, and this is the only one that features steampunk horses, climate-induced poverty, and a knight of King Arthur's Round Table who has a summer cottage somewhere on the Eurasian Steppe.

This is a very...strange cartoon. So strange, in fact, that Jack Frost clearly wasn't cool enough to carry this thing on his own, so they introduced a groundhog voiced by Buddy Hackett. That's right! Star of Disney's The Love Bug Buddy Hackett!! Wow!

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Feb 11, 2020

It's February, and by now you've probably accumulated a fair number of Christmas cards that you've either stashed or trashed. And that's what we want to talk about today, with "The Pick", the first of Seinfeld's two holiday episodes. "The Pick" finds Elaine agonizing over a Christmas card that features some unfortunate nudity, among other subplots that have little-to-nothing at all to do with Christmas. 

...Listen, we really just wanted to talk about Seinfeld this week, alright? Also this episode eventually veers into King of the Hill chat, and the subject of Hank Hill's plumbing. You've been warned. Anywho, we'll be back with a regular episode before you know it!

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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: "Did You See That Seinfeld Last Night?" - Viva Variety

 

Jan 29, 2020

Welcome to season six of Christmas Creeps! 

Niall Flanagan and Dwayne Moloney, cohosts of the Secret of the Sailor Madness podcast, join us once again to discuss the handmade charms of the Netflix original film Klaus! The film tells the story of Jesper, a young postal worker sent to the farthest reaches of Scandinavia. With the help of a reclusive toymaker named Klaus, Jesper accidentally gives birth to the Yuletide legend of Santa Claus. The film was even nominated for an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature, so consider this our 2020 Oscar Special!

So sit back, grab yourself one of those leftover Christmas beers, and join us as we break down Klaus!

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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
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