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Christmas Creeps

Your one stop shop for holiday madness all year round. Join hosts Joseph Wade, Johnny-5 and Mr. Bradford twice a month as they destroy holiday movies and TV shows in search of the true meaning of Christmas!
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Now displaying: 2021
Dec 29, 2021

Last week we pit the original Home Alone against its 2021 remake. Of course the remake didn't hold a candle to the original, but there is still a bit of unfinished business we need to discuss.

On this podcast, we attempt to rank all of the traps from both films. First we rank all the traps in the original Home Alone. Then we do the same for Home Sweet Home Alone. How does the iron to Marv's face stack up against the blowtorch to Harry's head? A billiards ball to the face vs a barrage of thumb tacks to the face; which is worse?

This episode attempts to answer these questions, and more!

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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INTRO/OUTRO: “Christmas All Alone” by Candlegravity

Dec 25, 2021

Merry Christmas to one and all! We don't usually pit two films against one another, but since it is Christmas we thought we'd give you fine listeners a little holiday treat.

Home Alone is one of our generation's unassailable holiday classics. We've covered a number of its sequels on the show before, but tonight we're finally digging into the 1990 original. But because one Home Alone simply isn't enough, we're also doing a deep dive into the newest entry in the series, Home Sweet Home Alone, just released on Disney+.

What makes the original a modern classic while the remake struggles to even find its footing? How many of the traps would a human being reasonably fall for? What on earth do you even use a male-to-male extension cord for, anyway? Join us as we answer these questions and a whole lot more!

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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Intro/Outro: Carol of the Bells (Bards Bizarre)
Dec 8, 2021

This week we discuss the nostalgia-fueled Nintendo frenzy of the film 8-Bit Christmas! Inspired in part by A Christmas Story, the film tells the tale of young Jake, a kid like any other in 1988 who just wanted a Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas.

As you can imagine, this week's podcast is going to be wall-to-wall Video Game Chat. We understand if that might not be your cup of tea, but as three fans of video games ourselves, we each have firsthand experience with being a kid in the thrall of Nintendo's 8-bit charms. This could not be any more For Us if it tried. And yet, this is a film very much NOT For Us. Go figure.

Anyway, we'll dig into why this film's sense of nostalgia may be a bit askew, and why the most prominent NES game featured is, of all things, "Rampage". Buckle up, because it's about to get nerdy. Good luck, have fun!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Nov 25, 2021

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Or rather, Happy T-Hanksgiving!

This week we dig deep into the Tom Hanks-filled 2004 animated feature The Polar Express, which somehow manages to turn Chris Van Allsburg's 32-page book into a feature-length adventure full of magical train-hopping hobos, swing-dancing elves, and one kid's quest to continue believing in Santa at all costs.

Our discussion takes some wild turns, from musing on the film's intended audience, to The Polar Express's influence on later animated features and video games (more than you'd think!), to postulating the existence of a Santa Claus multiverse. So hold onto your tickets and hop aboard, because this train's about to leave the station!

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Intro: The Loco-Motion (Kylie Minogue)
Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Nov 16, 2021

On this week's episode, we attempt to explain the weirdo madness of the 1985 Rankin/Bass special The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus! Based on a story by "Wizard of Oz" author L. Frank Baum, this special features a council of immortal wood nymphs, an army of invisible trolls, and an elf that may or may not have inspired a character from The Legend of Zelda. Oh, and somewhere in all that there's the origin story of Santa Claus.

Also in this week's show, we take some time to sample a few new holiday libations, break down what it means to be a Christmas movie, and share our pitches for The Christmas Chronicles 3!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Oct 27, 2021

We conclude Home For The Horrordays with James Wan's The Conjuring 2! Set against the chilly backdrop of Christmas, Conjuring 2 is based on the Enfield Poltergeist, a true haunting case from the late 1970s in which a ghost supposedly haunted a single mother and her four children living in the north of London.

And joining us this week is our old pal Dr. Nick! Last heard on our Black Christmas episode, Nick returns to help us break down all the spooks, scares and general quackery going on here.

Also this week, we taste test some disgusting holiday candy, Johnny-5 slams a Four Loko and, well... You can guess where things go from there...

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Oct 12, 2021

The days are getting shorter... A chill is in the air... The smell of candy corn lingers... That can only mean one thing: It's time for HOME FOR THE HORRORDAYS!

For this year's spookytimes, we're spotlighting a pair of holiday horror sequels. On this episode, our pal Stuart joins us to bear witness to the wanton police brutality of Maniac Cop 2! They thought they killed the zombie cop the first time around, but now he's back and he's making some new friends...

Obviously, the idea of a maniac cop hits differently than it did in 1990. But that doesn't mean the film isn't without its pleasures. For one thing, there are some truly spectacular car chases and shootouts. Action hounds will be right at home here...

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Sep 28, 2021

This week Bradford brings us an episode of the Viceland comedy series "Nirvanna The Band The Show". The episode, titled "The Bean", follows its stars' attempt to sneak a float into the Toronto Christmas parade as a means of promoting their rock band that may or may not actually exist.

Christmas gags abound on this episode, including a surprisingly detailed homage to the finer points of Home Alone, and The Usual Suspects (for some reason). Meanwhile, our hosts reminisce about their own experiences with Christmas parades, holiday TV, and more!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: NTBTS outro

Sep 7, 2021

Let's try that whole Dog Days of Summer thing again, huh? Santa Stole Our Dog! absolutely has a dog in it, and this time it might even be important to the plot! Why on earth would Santa steal someone's dog, anyway? Well friends, this is not the first time a little critter has followed Ed Asner home...

And in order the tell the full story of Santa Stole Our Dog!, we receive a transmission from our sister podcast, The O/S/T Party, to suss out how the film managed to secure music from Dolly Parton.

That ain't even the half of what makes this week's film so bizarre, so grab yourselves a cold one, buckle up, and join us on another wild ride to the North Pole...

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: Night Court theme (Jack Elliot)
Aug 24, 2021

Welcome, dear listeners, to the Dog Days of Summer! The season is winding down, but it's hotter than ever out there, so what better time to stay indoors with a cool holiday treat featuring some cute little puppers? Well there's a problem...

This week's film, 12 Christmas Wishes for My Dog, was sold to us as exactly the kind of holiday/dog shenanigans we usually watch this time of year. Instead, this film features dogs for roughly sixty seconds before ditching them for a story even the Hallmark Channel would call ridiculous.

Also in this episode: the boys bag on J5 for drinking trash, the movie completely destroys Bradford's ability to do basic math, and we make more Butterfly Effect and Matrix references than any one Christmas podcast should make in an episode.

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: Silent Night (Mark Dauenhauer)
Jul 23, 2021

Happy Christmas in July, superfriends! You didn't think we'd be doing one, but guess what? We're doing one! And wow is this one a doozy...

A Karate Christmas Miracle is one of those movies that defies explanation. A kid sets out to teach himself enough karate to reach black belt by Christmas in order for his missing father to come home after a yearlong absence. Why is he missing? Who is responsible? Why is the kid having psychic phone calls to The Karate Kid's Martin Kove? All of these are questions we asked ourselves while watching this baffling freight train to Nightmare City.

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jun 29, 2021

Welcome back, friends! We're officially halfway to Christmas, so we figured what better way to round the corner on 2021 than with some toasty, heartwarming Muppet goodness!

A Muppet Family Christmas first aired in 1987 with a whole host of musical numbers, and due to copyright issues the special has appeared in a truncated form ever since. Unless you know where to look online... We dug up an original broadcast on YouTube, and that's what we're discussing today! So join us for a trip down memory lane as we discuss A Muppet Family Christmas, commercials and all!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jun 15, 2021

And now, we bring you the thrilling conclusion to the Let It Snow trilogy! This week's film is a romantic comedy from the late 90s, when indie cinema was all the rage and bucking Hollywood trends was a surefire way to get yourself noticed! That's a fancy way of saying this movie doesn't know what the hell its doing.

James and Sarah meet on a snow day in high school. His family is unlucky in love; she has too many quirks for her own good. Neither person comes across as especially dateable, but nevertheless a romance ensues. The will they/won't they dynamic flies off the rails almost immediately, leading to a series of extremely poor decisions for everyone involved. But it's okay, because people do stupid things for love, right? RIIIIIIGHT?????

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: Let It Snow (Michael Buble)

Jun 1, 2021

Memorial Day has come and gone! Summer is unofficially here! It's freakin' hot outside!

Since we're all sweating our butts off, we decided one good Let It Snow deserved another. That's right, this week we're discussing another film titled Let It Snow. This one is a horror film out of Ukraine, about a pair of dumb American tourists who find themselves stranded on a ski slope with a madman on a snowmobile hot on their trail. You know how these things go...

Questions/Comments?
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

May 11, 2021

We're finally back in the saddle this week with a Christmas movie that made all of us feel extremely old. It's the Netflix original film Let It Snow, which follows three sets of teens on Christmas Eve, each in search of love in one form or another. Naturally, all of these stories converge, and we have a real Love, Actually situation on our hands.

This one actually turns out to be a pretty open and shut case for us. It is exactly the film that you think it is, but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. So hop on in and join us as we beg for some snow!

Questions/Comments?
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Intro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Outro: Let It Snow (Michael Buble)
Apr 13, 2021

Last year, in the middle of COVID lockdown, Joe and Bradford got good and drunk one night and recorded three episodes of a brand new podcast all about The Adventures of Pete & Pete. What you're about to hear is the first episode, in which we discuss Season 1, Episode 1: "King of the Road".

Topics of discussion include: Our own adventures at the Hoover Dam, our first encounters with the internet, the storied career of Toby Huss, Wellsville and the End of History, and whether or not we would return to the 90s if given the opportunity.

Enjoy this episode? Wanna hear more?
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Intro/Outro: Polaris' "Hey Sandy", performed by yours truly!

Feb 16, 2021

This week we remember the late, great Christopher Plummer with a look at the 1978 heist thriller The Silent Partner. Plummer plays a bank robber disguised as a mall Santa; Elliot Gould plays the bank teller who sees him coming and pulls a heist of his own. The cat and mouse game that ensues is as chilling as it is entertaining.

Also in this episode, we try to figure out why kids in this movie sing "Away in a Manger" wrong, ponder how to spend $48000 in the most boring white bread ways imaginable, and come to terms with the fact that both Gould and Plummer were undeniable smokeshows in their day. 

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jan 27, 2021

Kurt Russell is back as everyone's favorite Santa for another wacky holiday adventure! It's Christmas Chronicles 2, a film that opens up the world of Santa and the North Pole, but in the process squanders practically everything that made the first film so charming. 

Also in this episode, we get into the proliferation of the dead parent trope, the further retreading of Chris Columbus' filmography, and the inevitable Christmas Chronicles/Fast & Furious crossover we all know is coming. We then attempt to completely rewrite this series, because we're desperate for fun around here...

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
Tweet us @ChristmasCreeps
Visit us on the web at ChristmasCreeps.com!

Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Jan 13, 2021

Happy New Year, everyone! We're back in the saddle after a long winter's nap, and after this week's episode we may be rethinking that...

This week we unravel the baffling existence of Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa! This computer-animated special aired in 2002 on the now-defunct WB channel. It was lost to history for years until internet sleuths dug it up and rescued it from obscurity. Rapsittie Street Kids tests the limits of what can rightly be called animation. With real Hollywood voice talent and a handful of musical numbers, there's no denying the effort, but...well, you have to see it to believe it!

Questions/Comments?
Email us at XmasCreeps@gmail.com
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Intro/Outro: Happy Christmas, You Guys! (Simon Panrucker) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
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